In some homes, it’s a full-blown upsherin celebration, complete with first snips, honey-dipped Aleph-Beis, and generations gathered together. In others, it looks more like a classic birthday party, with cake, balloons, and a favorite character taking center stage. And then there are families who blend a little of both, or skip the tradition entirely.

For this edition of 7 Women, 7 Cities, we’re hearing from the seven women behind Kosher.com as they share what this milestone looks like in their own homes. The answers are meaningful, surprising, and beautifully reflective of the diverse communities we come from.

Goldy Guttman, Kosherdotcom Director

Boro Park, Brooklyn

Growing up in Boro Park, Brooklyn, as part of a chassidish family, I honestly had no idea that not everyone did an upsherin! It sounds so close-minded, but it genuinely never crossed my mind that this was something not everyone did. It was always referenced and featured in different weekly publications, and everyone I knew did it.

When one of my coworkers let me know, I was actually shocked!

Personally, I’m not a huge party planner. I probably cook more and plan more for a Shabbos meal than I do for an upsherin 🙂 I just ordered some platters and invited family over to celebrate.

What I do love about the upsherin celebration is the meaning behind each step. Watching my father, father-in-law, and grandfather each cut a piece of my son’s hair before the real haircut begins is so meaningful to me. I’m sure there are deeper meanings behind why they do so, but to me it signifies the continuation of tradition and the connection from one generation to the next.

Going to cheder is another step that’s so meaningful. Watching my son lick the honey and recite the aleph bais always brings tears to my eyes. 

Leah Gottheim, Kosherdotcom VP

Passaic, New Jersey

In my family, we don’t do upsherin. In my oldest son’s class, about half the boys did and half didn’t. I think that's roughly representative of my overall community's practices.

I gave my boys a haircut when they were around 1.5, once their bangs started getting in their eyes. If I decide to plan anything on their third birthday, it would look pretty much the same as how we celebrate their second or fourth.

I’ve been to many upsherins, so I’m familiar with the general customs. Most of the ones I’ve attended have been in Modern Orthodox and yeshivish communities. Since it’s a minhag that's not practiced the same way across all communities, I've seen different families approach it in different ways. I only know one family that did it in Meron, most did it in local shuls' event spaces.

One thing I’ve noticed is that because upsherins are such a visible, public kind of celebration, they can become part of what people expect to do, even in families where it wasn’t necessarily the original minhag. I personally know a few families who took it on while living in a community where it’s widely practiced.

I remember once being at the Jewish Children’s Museum in Crown Heights with my son when he was 2, sitting next to another mom while our kids were playing. We started chatting, and she made a comment assuming he was already 3. I said he was actually 2, and that in our family we don’t do upsherin. She genuinely didn’t realize that it’s something where different frum families and communities have different practices. 

Chanie Nayman, Kosherdotcom Editor-in-Chief

Detroit, Michigan

When I made my son’s upsherin, I wanted to add something unexpected and fun. I had already rented a bounce house, so I asked the rental company if they had anything else. They told me about these Pucker Powder machines. If you’ve never seen one, it’s basically like sand art, but with flavored sugar. I would imagine that many party rental places have similar machines, and you can get your own sealed kosher powder to use with them (ask your own rabbi, as I’m sure every circumstance is different).

Renee Schwartz, Kosherdotcom Recipe Editor

Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel

We do an upsherin because, in our neighborhood, our boys would stand out if we didn’t. We do an abbreviated alef-beis ceremony with a Rav we’re close with (using candies instead of honey because of the mess!), then take the first snips. Afterwards, we have a small family party and then take them to the barber on our block to finish the cut, without a large audience.

For our last upsherin, I printed a picture of one of his favorite book characters on sugar paper to make him a character birthday cake.

Rachel Kor, Kosherdotcom Managing Lifestyle Editor

Fair Lawn, New Jersey

This might come as a surprise to some (looking at you, Goldy), but we don’t do an upsherin. We live in a Modern Orthodox community where some friends and neighbors celebrate it and others don’t, but in both my family and my husband’s, it was never the minhag.

Instead, the third birthday is celebrated like any other, with a party for friends and family, complete with his favorite character theme woven throughout.

We introduce a kippah when we feel he’s ready to keep it on, and tzitzit once he’s potty-trained. 

Raquel Malul, Kosherdotcom Social Media Manager

Cherry Hill, New Jersey

We celebrated the upsherins for both of my boys on Sunday mornings, starting the day with a visit to our rabbi. They sang the Aleph-Beis and dipped their lollipops into honey before the rav cut the very first piece of hair.

For the celebrations, we kept the hair-cutting ceremony intimate, surrounded by family and close friends. Each guest took a small snip, and then the barber arrived to finish the haircut. Afterwards, all of our friends came for the actual party. One of the parties was in June, so we held it in our backyard, and I went with a puzzle theme (since he loved them so much at the time!). I cooked and baked everything myself and loved adding personalized touches. The kids had a blast coloring their own puzzles, jumping in the bounce house, and playing on the swings. It was a beautiful day and created great memories for my family!

Nechami Goldman, Video Producer

Lakewood, New Jersey

Although I’m a mom of girls and haven’t made an upsherin myself, I’ve been to four of my brothers’ and several others.

So while I may not be hosting, I can definitely tell you about the top four gifts you’ll see at almost every chassidish upsherin: the upsherin mentchies set, the Shabbos Tatty set (shtreimel non-negotiable), a talking book series that sings when you press the corresponding pages, and the latest Mitzvah Kinder book on the market.

One of the most beautiful minhagim happens the day after the upsherin. The boy is brought to a cheder classroom where he says the Aleph-Beis with his rebbi. He’ll often lick honey off the aleph, mem, and sof, symbolizing that the Torah (or Toireh, as we say) is emes. Sometimes he’ll even say the bracha on his tzitzis alongside the older boys. Then comes the loud, joyful “Mazel tov!” from the class, followed by the upsherin boy handing out pekelach to each child.

The pre-upsherin photo shoot is also a Thing in my community. When I worked as a professional photographer, upsherin boys were my favorite to photograph. Every chassidish boy has an Aleph-Bina,
a beginner sefer for learning the Aleph-Beis, and parents usually practice it with them beforehand so they’re familiar on the big day. It’s an essential photo prop, and I always tried to capture the classic shot of a boy sitting on his father’s knee, pointing to the Aleph-Beis. It’s timeless, because no matter how much changes, it always reflects the same moment: Torah being passed from father to son.