The Gemara (Berachos 18b) tells of a certain pious man who once gave charity to a poor man on Erev Rosh Hashanah during a period of drought and financial hardship. Although he and his wife were themselves struggling, he nevertheless decided to give charity. His wife was upset that he gave the poor man money, and her complaints made him angry. He decided to leave home, and he spent the night in the cemetery. (Rav Yisrael Salanter explained that when this man felt himself becoming angry, he decided he needed to undertake a drastic measure to overcome these spiritually harmful feelings, and so he went to a cemetery to remind himself of his mortality.) While he was in the cemetery, he heard the spirits speaking. One of the spirits said that during the coming year, everyone who plants early in the season will lose his crop. Armed with this knowledge, the man delayed his planting until later in the season, and as a result, he was successful.

What lesson is this story intended to convey? Why did the Gemara tell us about this pious man and the information he heard as he spent a night in the graveyard?

Rav Mattisyahu Salomon explained that this story teaches that even a noble act such as giving charity during a period of financial hardship does not suffice to bring blessing. The man in this story received blessing not through giving charity alone, but by being tested after he gave charity. The charitable donation he made subjected him to the test of anger, and it was only after he overcame this test and restrained his anger that he earned blessing.

This is a lesson that we can apply to Shabbos, as well. Shabbos is mekor haberachah, the source of all blessing. But in order to access that blessing, we need — in addition to other merits — to be placed in a situation where we feel inclined to become angry but abstain. Withstanding the test of anger allows the great bounty of the Shabbos blessing to descend upon us. Exercising self-control and restraint in moments of aggravation and frustration is a vital aspect of the process of bringing berachah upon ourselves and our homes.

Chacham Yehuda Fataya (1859-1942), the foremost disciple of the Ben Ish Chai, was an outstanding scholar and Kabbalist. One year, on the night of Rosh Hashanah, he sat at his table with his family and guests, dressed in his beautiful white garb, when suddenly one of the guests accidentally pushed the candelabra off the table, extinguishing the candles. The room was instantly plunged into darkness. As a result, the rabbi’s wife dropped the tray of fish she was carrying to the table, and everything spilled all over the floor. Chacham Yehuda stood up to help, but he slipped on the liquid of the fish and fell. His fine white clothing was soiled. All throughout, the Chacham retained his composure and did not become angry at all. 

A year later, Chacham Yehuda testified that he had enjoyed the best year he had ever experienced, during which he succeeded in all his endeavors and was privileged to arrive at remarkable new Torah insights. This special blessing resulted from his remaining calm in a situation that would normally lead to anger.

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The Ben Ish Chai told of a certain person who was especially vigilant with regard to the simanim, the special foods we eat on Rosh Hashanah as a sign of our hopes for the coming year, such as an apple, dates, and so on. One year, after he sat down for the Rosh Hashanah meal, he looked around the table and noticed that his wife had forgotten about the pomegranates. He became angry and sharply berated his wife for her mistake. The Ben Ish Chai noted that while these foods are certainly worthwhile as a positive sign for the coming year, anger is most definitely a very negative sign for the coming year. Self-control is as valuable a siman on Rosh Hashanah as any food we eat.

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There was once a certain chassid, a close disciple of the Baal Shem Tov, who always cherished the mitzvah of esrog, ensuring each year to purchase an especially high-quality esrog. One year, however, there was a shortage of esrogim in the region, and he could not find an esrog. After much effort, he discovered that there was a certain wealthy man who was able to purchase an esrog. The chassid went to the man’s home and offered to pay any price for the esrog, but the man outright refused. There was no price he would be willing to accept in exchange for this prized possession. The chassid then made an offer the wealthy man could not refuse. The chassid owned an extra pair of tefillin that he had received from the Baal Shem Tov. He did not need it, but would not part with it — until now. He offered to give the man the Baal Shem Tov’s tefillin in exchange for his esrog, and the man could not refuse.

When the chassid returned home, his wife asked him how he managed to obtain an esrog, and he told her that he had sold the Baal Shem Tov’s tefillin. When his wife heard what he did, she was very angry. She had been urging him for years to sell the extra pair of tefillin so they could have some extra money, as they lived under very difficult conditions. He had always refused, but now he sold it just for an esrog. In her anger, she banged on the table, causing the esrog to fall. The pitom broke off as a result of the impact, thus invalidating the esrog.

The chassid could have had valid ground to explode. Because of his wife, he was now left without the precious pair of tefillin and without an esrog. However, he managed to control his temper and remained calm. He told his wife, “I lost my tefillin, I lost my esrog, I will not lose my shalom bayis.

Soon thereafter, the Baal Shem Tov appeared to this chassid in a dream. He told the chassid that when he traded the tefillin for an esrog, expressing his great love and affection for mitzvos, this caused a great stir in the heavens. However, when he controlled his anger after his wife caused the esrog to become invalid, this caused an even greater stir in the heavens, and brought down great blessing for the new year.

Every opportunity we are given to restrain our anger and resist the tendency to speak irritably is precious, particularly on Shabbos, as it enables us to access the great blessings of Shabbos. Indeed, the rush to prepare for Shabbos can often lead to stress and tension that can then result in anger. By overcoming this tendency, we bring upon ourselves the special and boundless blessings of Shabbos, and gain access to the extraordinary and invaluable spiritual power that this mitzvah offers us.

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Reprinted from Embrace Shabbos by Rabbi David Sutton with permission from ArtScroll Mesorah.